Subject: People » Women (Page 5)

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian
Health People Women

I'm just a person trapped in a woman's body.

(1952 – ) comedian
Body People Self Women

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want to say to the authors of that study "Duh."

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Communication Language Men People Women

Women won't even brag about [giving birth]… we men, when we fix a doorknob, drinks are on the house.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Men People Speech Women

Any girl can be glamorous… all you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

(1913 – 2000) Austrian-American actress, mathematician & inventor
Appearance People Women

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

American baseball umpire
Baseball People Sports Women

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men Sex Things Women

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
People Sex Women

His [Ben Affleck's] ideal woman is a stripper with a Budweiser in each hand.

(1972 – ) American actress
Beer People Women

Woman is the most powerful magnet in the universe, and all men are cheap metal… and they all know where 'North' is.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Characteristics Men People Women

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Women

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Body Communication People Women Wordplay

Here's to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage People Wives Women

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
People Women

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Emotions Love Money People Women

Feminism is the worst thing that happened to woman… our job used to be no job. – Feminism

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer
People Women

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.


(1943 – ) American psychologist, author
Marriage Men People Situations Women

It took us hundreds of years to get one Year of the Woman, then we get a year – one of us cuts her husband's penis off.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Situations Women

One thing in which the sexes are equal is in thinking that they're not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Intelligence Men People Women