Subject: Places » America (Page 2)

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everyone and still nobody likes him.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
America Government Places

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America Places

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. Well, I didn't live in this century.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
America History Misspokements Places

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show; when you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
America Places

In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America People President Success

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Entertainment Government Military Music Places

In America you can always find a party; in Russia the party always finds you.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places Wordplay

If you persecute somebody just because they might look a little different, then you are no better than our country's founding fathers.

American comedian & writer
America Characteristics Places

The Americans are a funny lot; they drink whiskey to keep them warm, then they put ice in it to make it cool; then they put some sugar in it to make it sweet and then they put a slice of lemon in it to make it sour, then they say, “Here’s to you” and drink it themselves.

(1904 – 1976) Indian politician
America People Places

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
America People Places

We would need less gun control is we had better birth control.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

America Places Situations

California is a nice place to live – if you happen to be an orange.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
America Places

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
America Death Places

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
America England Food/Drink Places

In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

America Murphy’s Laws Shopping

My God, we've had cloning in the South for years… it's called cousins.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
America Places Relationships Science/Weather

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
America Communication Reading/Writing