Subject: Places » America (Page 5)

A Canadian is merely an unarmed American with health care. 

Canadian comedian & author

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

America is one long expectoration.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff; it just pisses them off.

television executive & comedian

When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show; if you're born in America you get a front row seat.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

In America, your work determines your marks; in Soviet Russia, Marx determines your work!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

(1894 – 1972) King of the United Kingdom

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator