Subject: Places » England (Page 3)

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places

Englishmen think over a compliment for a week, so that by the time they pay it, it is addled, like a bad egg.

(1863 – 1930) British novelist & playwright
England People Places

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
England Food/Drink Places

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
England Food/Drink Places

An Englishman considers himself a self-made man, and thereby relieves the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.

England People Places

Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.

England

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Education England Places School

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England People Places Sports Time

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England Food/Drink Places

Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.

(1890 – 1976) British crime writer of novels, short stories & plays
England Food/Drink Places

Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange… it’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
England People Places

There are three golden rules for parliamentary speakers: “Stand up. Speak up. Shut up.”

(1855 – 1949) British politician
Communication England Places Speech

I like the French/British relationship to a very old married couple who often think of killing each other but would never dream of divorce.

(1948 – ) British politician
England Places

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

(1934 – ) comedian
England People Places

Englishwomen's shoes look as if they had been made by someone who had often heard shoes described, but had never seen any.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

Brexit is a terrible name… sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.

(1978 – ) English stand-up comedian & actress
England Places Situations

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Cooking England Food/Drink Places

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold, I almost got married.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Cold England Places Science/Weather

A man in a queue is as much the image of a true Briton as a man in a bull-ring is the image of a Spaniard.

(1912 – 1987) Hungarian-born British author
England People Places

The one great principle of the English law is, to make business for itself.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
England Government Law Places