Subject: Places » New York City (Page 2)

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number seventy-nine.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75; walked back out in the street – genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.

American radio and television personality, comedian & speaker

Three o’clock in the morning, you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin – in the same store.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

I come from New York where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by your wallet.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


“New York, New York” – so good they named it twice.

(1947 – ) American singer-songwriter

I love New York – it's the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, they'll eventually spit.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist