Subject: Places » New York City (Page 2)

The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

A city where everyone mutinies but no one deserts.

(1885 –1974) American cartoonist, humor writer & radio personality

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

I’ve only been a New Yorker for ten years but the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

New York… when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'

comedian, television writer

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

(1925 – 2005) television host

There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter

I just flew in from New York City, and boy is my middle finger tired.

comedian

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

The first time I ever came into a game there [Yankee Stadium], I got in the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.

American baseball pitcher

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I come from New York where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by your wallet.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach