Subject: Places » New York City (Page 2)

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian

New York is not Mecca… it just smells like it.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter

You could go out at four in the morning, after a nuclear bomb destroys the entire eastern seaboard, and the Triborough Bridge would be jammed.

(1960 – ) American comedian

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The first time I ever came into a game there [Yankee Stadium], I got in the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.

American baseball pitcher

I’ve only been a New Yorker for ten years but the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I come from New York where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by your wallet.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach

I love New York – it's the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, they'll eventually spit.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time… most unsolved.

(1925 – 2005) television host

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station; and just like New York taxis… they’re all going to be driven by aliens.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Three o’clock in the morning, you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin – in the same store.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor

In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.

American radio and television personality, comedian & speaker

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host

A city where everyone mutinies but no one deserts.

(1885 –1974) American cartoonist, humor writer & radio personality

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75; walked back out in the street – genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor