Subject: Places (Page 23)

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States; ask any Indian.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
America Places Problems

There's always something fishy about the French.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Insults People Places

If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower. – America

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places

He (Robert Benchley) and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Places

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Places

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts; our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Canada Hockey Places Science/Weather Sports

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

Canada? I don't even know what street it's on.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster
Canada Places

When you get a mammogram there, it comes with a two-drink minimum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Places

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
People Places

Some men are all right in their place… if they only knew the right places!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Places

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
America People Places

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
America Places Work

I was so poor… in my neighborhood, the rainbow was in black and white!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Places Poverty

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest
Beliefs Cooking England Food/Drink Places Religion

An Englishmen thinks seated; a Frenchmen standing; an American pacing, an Irishman, afterwards.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
America England Intelligence People Thinking

The District of Columbia is a territory hounded on all sides by the United States of America.

(1909 – 1944) satiric author
Places

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
New York City Places

Hollywood is where they write the alibis before they write the story.

(1908 – 1942) American actress
Hollywood Places