Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 23)
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Characteristics
Entertainment
Hollywood
Places
Producers
Sincerity
Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.
Dorothy Parker
(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Places
Los Angeles
It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family
Insults
Places
Relationships
Kansas City
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Places
Hardware stores
Homes
Ownership
There’s lots of nice guys walking around Hollywood, but they ain’t eating
Henry Hathaway
(1898 –1985) American film director & producer
Hollywood
People
Places
Boston's freeway system was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.
Bill Bryson
American author
Places
Things
Boston
Highways
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
America
Places
California
Freeze
State
Carter wants to go to Washington; he'll feel right at home there – he was raised on a nut farm.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government
People
Places
Jimmy Carter
Washington
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America
Insults
People
Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical.
Issawi's Law of Estimation of Error
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Places
Capabilities
Underdeveloped countries
We’re the greatest country on Earth except when it comes to getting shit done.
Lewis Black
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America
Places
Accomplishments
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals
Cold
Football
Intelligence
Places
Sports
Sharks
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
(1955 – ) cartoonist
(Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication
Intelligence
Life
Places
Science/Weather
Universe
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Characteristics
People
Places
Russians
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.
Bill Vaughn
(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
America
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
Places
War
World
Democracy
The world is divided into people who do things – and people who get the credit.
Dwight Morrow
(1873 – 1931) businessman, politician & diplomat
People
Places
World
Accomplishments
America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
Chris Rock
(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
America
Places
Hunting
In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.
Hart's Law
America
Murphy’s Laws
Places
In Hollywood now when people die they don’t say, “did he leave a will?” but “did he leave a diary.”
Liza Minnelli
(1946 – ) American actress & singer
Hollywood
Places
Gossip
I know I've got a lock on the Dutch Hall of Fame.
Bert Blyleven
Dutch-born American baseball pitcher
Baseball
Places
Sports
Dutch
The Devil himself had probably re-designed Hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts.
Anthony Price
(1928 – ) English author
Places
Airports
Page 23 of 46
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