Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 23)
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America
Golf
Government
People
Sports
Taxes
Liars
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Autos
Places
Paris
Taxi cabs
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time… most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
Conflict
New York City
Places
Crime
The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.
Will Ferguson
(1964 – ) Canadian writer & novelist
America
Canada
History
People
Places
French
Natives
It’s going to be a great country when they finish unpacking it.
Andrew H. Malcolm
(1943 – ) Canadian author & newsman
Canada
Places
I'm the best heavyweight in Canada and I'll still be the best when I'm dead seven years.
George Chuvalo
Canadian boxing champion
Boxing
Canada
Places
Sports
Hoboken – lovely town, often called 'the Tennessee of New Jersey.'
Rich Hall
(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Places
Hoboken
Tennessee
People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
Greg Giraldo
(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
America
Places
Work
Immigrants
If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?
Pat Paulsen
(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Places
Los Angeles
A Frenchwoman, when double-crossed, will kill her rival; the Italian woman would rather kill her deceitful lover; the Englishwoman simply breaks off relations – but they all will console themselves with another man.
Charles Boyer
(1899 – 1978) French actor
England
People
Places
Relationships
France
Italy
Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication
People
Places
Foreigners
Spelling
You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Places
Rednecks
Directions
House
Paved road
It's a scientific fact; for every year a person lives in Hollywood, they lose two points of their IQ.
Truman Capote
(1924 – 1984) American author
Hollywood
Intelligence
Places
IQ
Brooklyn praise is half slander.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places
Brooklyn
I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.
Lewis Black
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America
Elections/Voting
Government
People
Politicians
Dan Quayle
When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land; they said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes and when we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.
Desmond Tutu
(1931 – ) South African social rights activist & Anglican bishop
People
Places
Africa
Missionaries
Every time an Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings.
Kathy Bates
(1948 – ) American actress & director
Entertainment
Hollywood
Places
Agents
Oscars
Whatever organization we try to create, it always ends up looking like the Communist Party.
Viktor Chernomyrdin
(1938 – 2010) Russian politician
Government
Places
Communist party
Russia
Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.
Bill Maher
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death
Health
Places
Beverly Hills
Plastic surgery
America is a land where men govern, but women rule.
John Mason Brown
(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
America
Men
People
Places
Women
1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.
Rules for driving in New York
Autos
Driving
Murphy’s Laws
New York City
Places
Page 23 of 46
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