Subject: Places (Page 24)

The all-night drugstore closed at noon.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Places

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
England Food/Drink Places

Holland lies so low they're only saved by being dammed.

(1799 – 1845) English writer
Communication Language Places

The Welsh are just Italians in the rain.

(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Places

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

(1925 – ) American comedian, actor, writer, teacher & lecturer
Places

In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.

(1942 – ) British travel writer & novelist
Murphy’s Laws Places

Just been with my girlfriend to a nice little place run by some Italians… it was Italy.

(1968 – ) English comedian, writer, director & musician
Places

Beverly Hills is so exclusive… their fire department won’t make house calls.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Hollywood Places

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
America Conflict Places War

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
America Places

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Congress Government Places Problems

The train system is so chronic now, that any journey you undertake by train in Britain is identical to the one taken by Omar Sharif in Doctor Zhivago.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
England Places

Tasmania is famous for its shape, which is the same shape as the pubic hair region on a woman's body, which I personally don't identify with; mine's more like a map of the former Soviet Union… not to scale.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
Places

Without geography you're nowhere.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Places Science/Weather

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather

The Austrians are brilliant people. They made the world believe that [Adolf Hitler] was a German and [Ludwig van Beethoven] an Austrian.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Places

If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Places

What Iran needs now is a more modern leader – a mullah lite.

(1973 – ) Iranian-born British comedian
Government Places Wordplay

Stand on two phone books almost anywhere in Iowa and you get a view.

American author
Places

When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
England Places Time

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
New York City Places