Subject: Places (Page 28)

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
World

If you have s stomach ache, in France you get a suppository, in Germany a health spa, in the United States they cut your stomach open and in Britain they put you on a waiting list.

(1955 – ) English politician
Health Places

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine's putting in an express lane.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress
Emotions Hollywood Places

My cousin is gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places Sex

The District of Columbia is a territory hounded on all sides by the United States of America.

(1909 – 1944) satiric author
Places

They christened their game ‘golf’ because they were Scottish and reveled in meaningless Celtic noises in the back of the throat.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Golf Places Sports

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Places

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.

(1946 – 1990) English/Canadian writer & broadcaster
Canada Places

The plain truth is, that he was a most intolerable ruffian, a disgrace to human nature, and a blot of blood and grease upon the history of England.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
England Insults People Places

I can play anywhere; First, Third, Left field… anywhere but Philadelphia.

(1942 – ) American baseball player
Baseball Places Sports

In Hollywood now when people die they don’t say, “did he leave a will?” but “did he leave a diary.”

(1946 – ) American actress & singer
Hollywood Places

I can never forgive God for having created the French.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People Places

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

I don't want to brag, but I do speak Pig Latin; I mean, I'm not fluent, but I'm sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Communication Language Places Speech

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Children Family Places

We’re not used to weather in June in this country.

professional football player, coach & executive
England Misspokements Places Science/Weather

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
New York City Places

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator
America Football Places Sports