Subject: Places (Page 29)

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. Well, I didn't live in this century.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
America History Misspokements Places

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

… New Jersey?

(1973 – ) American actress
Intelligence Misspokements Places

Brooklyn praise is half slander.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

According to legend, Telford is so dull that the bypass was built before the town.

Places

Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed, which is mad because those places are really well lit

English comedian, writer & actor
England Places

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations – it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.

(1913 – 1987) Canadian journalist
Canada Places

It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch understanding.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Entertainment People Places

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Places

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Places

Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
America Places

You haven’t lived until you’ve died in California.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Life Places

When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
England Places Time

Tell me where you want to go. If they have a team, I'll schedule them.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Hollywood Places

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People Places

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.

Definitions Places

Rome wasn’t born in a day.

professional baseball player
Malaprops Places