Subject: Places (Page 37)

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

My boyfriend's kids are half-Swedish, half-Norwegian: "They're see-through."

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Characteristics People Places

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Congress Government Places Problems

The Devil himself had probably re-designed Hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts.

(1928 – ) English author
Places

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
America Places Sports

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
America Communication Language Places

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Entertainment Film Hollywood Places

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

There is no hell… there is only France.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Insults Places

The Canadian military is like Switzerland's… without the knife.

Canadian comedian & author
Canada Government

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate; all the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Places

America's attic.

(1915 – 1979) English-born Canadian poet
Canada Places

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA; you know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Places Situations

New York is not Mecca… it just smells like it.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics New York City Places

I don't want to say he's in bed with this administration, but they did find Dick Cheney's Rolex lodged in his colon.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Government Places

New Jersey is to America as America is to the world.

(1977 – ) American television producer, writer & comedian
America Emotions Places World

In Alaska, we have just two seasons — this winter and next winter.

(1897 – 1991) American Air Force General
Places Science/Weather

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Places Politics

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Health Old Places

There’s lots of nice guys walking around Hollywood, but they ain’t eating

(1898 –1985) American film director & producer
Hollywood People Places

That's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!' – which is only half true!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Places