Subject: Places (Page 37)

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Government Places

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Family Fathers Mothers World

In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, 'Sorry, we're open.’

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink Places

What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? … Asif.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Honesty People Places

Brooklyn praise is half slander.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink People Places

Cambridge is the kind of place where you can walk into a children’s bookstore and find a self-help section.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Children Intelligence Places

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

Brexit is a terrible name… sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.

(1978 – ) English stand-up comedian & actress
England Places Situations

I married a German; every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Activities Conflict Places Sex

Holland lies so low they're only saved by being dammed.

(1799 – 1845) English writer
Communication Language Places

Spain's new Prime Minister … announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq… meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Places Politics Situations

I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Characteristics Life World

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

American author
Insults People Places

Boston's freeway system was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.

American author
Places Things

There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence People Places

Working in Hollywood does give one a certain expertise in the field of prostitution.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Places

I often say after eight years in Washington, I longed for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.

U.S. Senator (1942 – 2015) U.S. senator (Tennessee) & actor
Government Hollywood Places

New York… when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
New York City Places