Subject: Places (Page 38)

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist
Food/Drink Health Insults Places

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Places Politics

Living in L.A. is like not having a date on Saturday night.

(1946 – ) American actress
Places

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Girls People Places Women

I'd rather be a lamppost in Denver than the mayor of Philadelphia.

American professional boxer
Boxing Insults Places Sports

Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.

(1946 – 1990) English/Canadian writer & broadcaster
Canada Places

That's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!' – which is only half true!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Places

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
People Places Situations

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Places Situations

If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower. – America

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places

I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities – a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
America Places

Canada is an entire country named Doug.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Canada Places

If you buy your July 4 supplies at Walmart you can celebrate our independence from Britain and our dependence on China at the same time.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Places

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
New York City Places

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America People Places

Canadians are generally indistinguishable from Americans, and the surest way of telling the two apart is to make that observation to a Canadian.

Canadian physician & professor
People Places

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Housework Places

I can play anywhere; First, Third, Left field… anywhere but Philadelphia.

(1942 – ) American baseball player
Baseball Places Sports