Subject: Places (Page 39)

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places World

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Education Learning

This island is mainly made of coal and surrounded by fish; only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Places Problems

In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

America Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.

American radio and television personality, comedian & speaker
Crime New York City Places

I don't want to brag, but I do speak Pig Latin; I mean, I'm not fluent, but I'm sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Communication Language Places Speech

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Money Places

Of course… once.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

There are no eccentrics in the suburbs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence People Places

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Places

If you think the world is against you – it doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't.

Murphy’s Laws World

When you get tired of walking around San Francisco, you can always lean against. it.

Places

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

comedian
Places

I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)
Appearance Body Fat People Places Self World

A New Zealander in a frenzy is an American in a coma.

(1970 – ) New Zealand stand-up comedian & radio & television personality
Characteristics Places World

The only time France wants us (the USA) to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.


Places

Canadians are generally indistinguishable from Americans, and the surest way of telling the two apart is to make that observation to a Canadian.

Canadian physician & professor
People Places

It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Places Speech