Subject: Places (Page 41)

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can't dress.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

I came from a real tough neighborhood; I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Intelligence People

You haven’t lived until you’ve died in California.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Life Places

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian
New York City Places Problems

In America, your work determines your marks; in Soviet Russia, Marx determines your work!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
World Yogi-isms

The best research [for playing a drunk] is being a British actor for 20 years.

(1933 – ) English actor
Acting Alcohol Food/Drink Places

In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.

Murphy’s Laws Places

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
People Places

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Insults Places

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
People Places

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

(1965 – ) American actor, writer & comedian
Places

No other country would use their technology to invent a fat substitute that when you put it on potato chips causes involuntary loose stools.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Places

This island is mainly made of coal and surrounded by fish; only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Places Problems

The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Places

Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Places Problems