Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 41)
The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.
Will Ferguson
(1964 – ) Canadian writer & novelist
America
Canada
History
People
Places
French
Natives
An Englishman considers himself a self-made man, and thereby relieves the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.
Anonymous
England
People
Places
Eng
There’s no place like home… that’s why I never went back.
Richard Lewis
(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Places
Home
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
Dr. Laurence J. Peter
(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
America
Places
Taxes
Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Home
Part-Time Woman Wanted: What a country… even transvestites can get work.
Yakov Smirnoff
(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America
Places
Reading employment ads
Transvestites
It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.
Alan Kent
People
Places
French
You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.
Henry Miller
(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Activities
America
Food/Drink
Places
Travel
Bread
America is a large friendly dog in a small room; every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
Arnold Toynbee
(1889 – 1975) English historian
America
Places
I've been mostly camping and living in
hostiles.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Places
Hostels
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities
Places
Things
Travel
Knives
Switzerland
New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
New York City
Places
Subway
American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.
Anonymous
America
Definitions
Places
They say if the Swiss had designed these mountains… they’d be flatter.
Paul Theroux
(1941 – ) novelist
People
Places
Alps
Switzerland
Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.
Sam Ewing
(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Activities
Money
Places
Time
Vacation
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
Paulg's Law
America
Murphy’s Laws
Shopping
Cost
Savings
I’ve been here (Los Angeles) eight months; I have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn't handle my mother.
Larry Amoros
comedian & television writer
Places
Los Angeles
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America
Golf
Government
People
Sports
Taxes
Liars
In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America
People
President
Success
Child
risk
I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Activities
Future
Places
Time
Hell
Smoking
If you buy your July 4 supplies at Walmart you can celebrate our independence from Britain and our dependence on China at the same time.
Andy Borowitz
(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Places
China
Walmart
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