Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Places
(Page 45)
In America, we won't let somebody who's terminally ill have the right to take their own life… but yet, we'll let Evel Knievel jump over the Grand Canyon with a damn moped.
Keith Robinson
American stand-up comedian
America
Places
Evel Knievel
Suicide
In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.
Rich Hall
(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Places
Loneliness
Montana
Police
We’re not used to weather in June in this country.
Jimmy Hill
professional football player, coach & executive
England
Misspokements
Places
Science/Weather
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America
Golf
Government
People
Sports
Taxes
Liars
English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
England
Food/Drink
Places
Coffee
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places
World
Seashell collection
The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.
Oliver Joseph St John Gogarty
(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Intelligence
People
Places
Common sense
Ireland
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.
Richard M. Nixon
(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
People
Places
Situations
Castro
Soviet Union
It is not a fragrant world.
Raymond Chandler
(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics
Life
Places
World
A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood
Insults
Places
Sewers
The train system is so chronic now, that any journey you undertake by train in Britain is identical to the one taken by Omar Sharif in
Doctor Zhivago.
Linda Smith
(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
England
Places
Railroad
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot… but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family
Parents
Places
Moving
In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.
Bill Maher
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America
Government
Law
Money
Wealth
Guilt
London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions
Health
Places
Bronchitis
London
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
Kurt Vonnegut
(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Housework
Places
Universe
The suburbs are like the bleacher seats of life.
Mike DeStefano
(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
America
Places
Suburbs
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Money
Places
Wealth
On reports of his wealth
Vietnam
Graceland is so tacky, Puerto Rican people walk out of there going, 'That's some tacky stuff there, man.'
Vic Henley
American comedian & author
Characteristics
Places
Graceland
Puerto Ricans
Tacky
In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.
Truman Capote
(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations
People
Places
Work
California
Therapists
A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.
Anonymous
America
Arms
Conflict
People
Places
Canadians
Guns
I'm from one of those places where the whole number system consists of one, two and a shitload.
Darrell Hammond
(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Education
Places
Alabama
Page 45 of 46
« First
« Previous
42
43
44
45
46
Next »