Subject: Places (Page 45)

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
People Places

Some men are all right in their place… if they only knew the right places!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Places

According to legend, Telford is so dull that the bypass was built before the town.

Places

President Bush has just one question for the American voters: is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were 4 years ago?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
America Money

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator
America Football Places Sports

It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
New York City Places

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow Airport for myself.

(1935 – 1994) English writer
Health Places

America is a land where men govern, but women rule.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
America Men People Places Women

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

I bet The Walking Deadgets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f••king window, am I right?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places

From the prairies, to the oceans, wide with foam.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
America Malaprops Places

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
England Insults Places Speech

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water… so it’s nice to know my son’s going to grow up and have huge breasts but it’s not going to bother him that much.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Places

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
Places World

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Places Science/Weather

In New England there are three times of year… either winter has just been, or winter is coming, or it’s winter.

American author
Places Science/Weather

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Taxes Understanding World