Subject: Places (Page 45)

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Communication Language Places

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
America Places

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

America Food/Drink Places

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Conflict Places

If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

(1965 – ) American actor, writer & comedian
Places

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations – it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.

(1913 – 1987) Canadian journalist
Canada Places

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fisherman.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Canada Places

There are no good roles for Indians in Hollywood, unless you’re shooting at Jack Bauer or looking for White Castle.

American actor
Entertainment Hollywood People Places

Dubai is what would happen if you gave a 12-year-old a trillion dollars to redecorate his bedroom.

(1619 – 1683) French statesman
Places

Kinko's is my favorite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Places

Hoboken – lovely town, often called 'the Tennessee of New Jersey.'

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Places

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Age Friends Old People Places Young

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Places

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

The rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Places

Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America Insults Places

Ignorant people in preppy clothes are more dangerous to America than oil embargoes.

(1932 – ) Trinidad-born British writer
America People Places

If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower. – America

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places

My boyfriend's kids are half-Swedish, half-Norwegian: "They're see-through."

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Characteristics People Places