Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Places
(Page 45)
The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.
Bill Nye
(the Science Guy) (1955 – ) American science educator, writer & scientist
Places
World
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
Brendan Francis Behan
(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
People
Places
Forks
Irish
Soup
There are still parts of Wales where the only concession to gaiety is a striped shroud.
Gwyn Thomas
(1913 – 1981) Welsh writer
Emotions
Places
Fun
Wales
The world is round; it has no point.
Adrienne Gusoff
writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Beliefs
Places
World
Round
The greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
Clarence Darrow
(1857 – 1938) American lawyer
Communication
Places
Criticism
On Calvin Coolidge
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
Enoch Arnold Bennett
1867 – 1931) English novelist
America
Autos
People
Places
Traffic
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Earl Mac Rauch
scriptwriter & author
Places
Situations
There is no room for amateurs… even in crossing the streets.
George Segal
(1934 – ) American actor
New York City
Places
It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
Alan Alda
(1936 – ) American actor, director & screenwriter
Characteristics
People
World
Good
But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.
Sarah Palin
(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Misspokements
Places
Allies
North Korea
My boyfriend's kids are half-Swedish, half-Norwegian: "They're see-through."
Cathy Ladman
American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Characteristics
People
Places
Paleness
Scandinavians
Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities
Places
Time
Flying
Tokyo
I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.
George S. Patton
(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general
Conflict
Places
War
France
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold
Places
Science/Weather
San Francisco
What Iran needs now is a more modern leader – a mullah lite.
‘Shappi’ Khorsandi
(1973 – ) Iranian-born British comedian
Government
Places
Wordplay
Iran
No one ever went broke in Hollywood underestimating the intelligence of the public.
Elsa Maxwell
(1883 – 1963) American writer & hostess
Hollywood
Intelligence
People
Places
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
New York City
People
Places
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms
Canada
Places
Things
Border
In China, the piano piece ‘Chopsticks’ is known as ‘Knife and Fork.’
Denis Norden
(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Entertainment
Music
Places
China
Chopsticks
Canada is all right really, though not for the whole weekend.
‘Saki’ H.H. Munro
(1870 – 1916) British writer
Canada
Places
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