Subject: Places (Page 45)

The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.

(1888 – 1989) American composer & lyricist
People Places World

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
New York City Places

I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Places Reading/Writing

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Places Science/Weather

Columbus went around the world in 1492; that isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports World

Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell; the other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.

(1945 – ) American country/folk musician & song writer
Beliefs Life Places Religion Sex

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men… there is a three year waiting list.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Animals Places

Contrary to popular belief, English women do not wear tweed nightgowns.

(1897-1987) actress & comedian
England Places

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

We know Jesus can’t have been English; he is always wearing sandals, but never with socks.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Appearance England Places

First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Men People Places

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold Places Science/Weather

I am going to hell and I'm looking forward to it… I'll finally get to meet Madonna.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Death Insults Places

I don't like Norwegians at all; the sun never sets, the bar never opens, and the whole country smells of kippers.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Places

Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America Insults Places

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

The town where I grew up has a zip code of E – I – E – I – O.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Places

Hollywood is bounded on the north, south, east and west by agents.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Hollywood Places

The German asparagus are fabulous.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Communication Food/Drink Places Speech