Subject: Places (Page 5)

Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff; it just pisses them off.

television executive & comedian
America Anger Emotions Places World

I knew I'd been living in Berkeley too long when I saw a sign that said 'Free firewood' and my first thought was 'Who was Firewood and what did he do?'

(1926 – ) English painter
Places

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Entertainment Music Places War

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
New York City Occupations Places Work

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America Places

Room service has an unlisted number.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Places

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations People Places Work

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Places

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Government Hollywood Law Things

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
America Government Places Politics

I think the British have the distinction above all other nations of being able to put new wine into old bottles without bursting them.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Food/Drink People Places

Environmentalists say that every day an area the size of Wales is destroyed… why is it never Wales.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Places

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Places Rednecks

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
England Insults Places Speech

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he’s just as good as everybody else.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
Colemanballs Places

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

A government survey reveals the prime minister is doing the work of two men… Laurel and Hardy.

(1930 – 2016) Scottish stand-up comedian, actor, writer & broadcaster
England Government

No matter how many times I visit this great city I'm always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxi cab.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Places