Subject: Places (Page 8)

Hollywood made a movie of my life; the film had me proposing to my wife on the football field… I would never misuse a football field that way.

American football player
Football Hollywood Places Sports

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Places

Fortissimo at last!

(1860 – 1911) Austrian composer
Entertainment Music Places

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and ray of sunshine.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
People Places

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
America Communication Reading/Writing

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Hollywood Places Time

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Food/Drink Places

My uncle's actually from Brooklyn, New York; … instead of saying, 'What time is it?,' he'll say, 'Get outta here – I'm drunk.'

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Places Relationships

I only like two kinds of men; domestic and foreign.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Men People Places

Washington is a place where men praise courage and act on elaborate personal cost-benefit calculations.

(1908 – 2006) Canadian-American economist
Government Places

Texas has a lot of electrical votes.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Government Malaprops Places Yogi-isms

They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America People Places

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Places Rednecks

We humans do not need to leave Earth to get to a hostile, deadly, alien environment; we already have Miami.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Places

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box, so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

I have a map of the United States… actual size.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
America Places Things

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny… yet no French sex comedies are funny.

(1954 – ) cartoonist, screenwriter, producer & creator of The Simpsons
Entertainment Film Places Reviews/Criticism

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America England Language Places

A New Zealander in a frenzy is an American in a coma.

(1970 – ) New Zealand stand-up comedian & radio & television personality
Characteristics Places World

The one great principle of the English law is, to make business for itself.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
England Government Law Places