Accidents | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Problems » Accidents

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

Neal Brennan

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

Accidents Problems Things Hot air balloons

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

Anthony Jeselnik

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Accidents Problems

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Anonymous

Accidents Age Beliefs Old Falling

One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs – but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.

Issawi's Law of Frustration

Accidents Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

Aneurin Bevan

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician

Accidents Beliefs Opinion Problems

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Gravity

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

Parson's First Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Dishes

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

John Steinbeck

(1902 – 1968) novelist

Accidents Animals People Problems Trap

Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

Flucard's Corollary

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Bathroom Mishaps Toilets

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Anonymous

Accidents Definitions Problems

You can always hit what you don't aim at.

Dumb Luck Rule

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Accidents Autos Things Swearing

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

Russell Baker

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

Accidents New York City People Places Problems Pedestrian

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

Tim Allen

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

Accidents Autos History Time Truth Eyewitness Accounts

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

Tim Allen

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

Accidents Autos History Eyewitness Accounts

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

Ryan Stout

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian

Accidents People Problems Homeless

A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

Ken's Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Bob Monkhouse

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Accidents Failure People Homeless

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Aunt Emmie’s First Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things Cigarette From Owen Elliott’s Aunt Emmie

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

Anonymous Murphy’s Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

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Subject: Problems » Accidents

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs – but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

You can always hit what you don't aim at.

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.