Accidents | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Problems » Accidents (Page 2)

Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.

Titanic Coincidence

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Anonymous

Accidents Definitions Problems

Things always fall at right angles.

Sprinkle's Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Accidents Animals Dogs Problems Spot remover

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Anonymous

Accidents Problems Things Borrowing

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Bob Monkhouse

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Accidents Failure People Homeless

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

Michael Davis

Accidents Autos Problems Things

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Gravity

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

Jeff Foxworthy

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Accidents Characteristics Men People Odor

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

Tim Allen

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

Accidents Autos History Time Truth Eyewitness Accounts

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Will Rogers

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Accidents Failure Situations Right track

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

Neal Brennan

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

Accidents Problems Things Hot air balloons

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

Anonymous Murphy’s Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Dishes

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

Anonymous Murphy’s Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.

Femo's Law of Automotive Engine Repairing

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune, and if anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity.

Benjamin Disraeli

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author

Accidents Insults Problems On William Gladstone

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

Parson's First Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Dishes

When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats.

Swanson's Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Rats Upper deck Water

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Dave Edison

actor, writer & editor

Accidents Problems War Helmets Kamikaze pilots

I broke a leg one time… spilled coffee all over.

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Accidents Problems

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Aunt Emmie’s First Law

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things Cigarette From Owen Elliott’s Aunt Emmie

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Subject: Problems » Accidents (Page 2)

Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Things always fall at right angles.

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.

If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune, and if anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity.

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I broke a leg one time… spilled coffee all over.

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.