Subject: Problems » Accidents (Page 2)

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Accidents New York City People Places Problems

Things always fall at right angles.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

You can always hit what you don't aim at.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

I broke a leg one time… spilled coffee all over.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Problems

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Accidents People Problems

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Things

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to eat them.


Accidents Cooking Food/Drink Problems

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

Accidents Children

If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Accidents Problems

It's hard to describe what it's like to see a stock car flying through the air knowing it's going to land on top of you.

American auto racer
Accidents Auto racing Problems Sports

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Accidents Failure Situations

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Accidents Problems Things

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Accidents Alcohol Emotions Laughter

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Accidents Problems

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Animals Dogs Problems