Subject: Problems (Page 13)

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

In this world there are only two tragedies: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Problems

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Mistakes Problems

The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.

(1911 – 1983) playwright
Mistakes Problems

No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Failure Success Wordplay

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems

Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, or hysteria.

Children Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Things go right so they can go wrong.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

The most delicate component will be dropped.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Things

What a pity human beings can't exchange problems; everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.

(1918 - 2002) American author
People Problems

Like most of those who study history, he [Napoleon III] learned from the mistakes of the past how to make new ones.

(1906 – 1990) British historian
Mistakes Problems

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Problems Situations

If you mess with something long enough, it'll break.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

He's a man who was a failure until he was 40 years old, which looks really good on your resume – if you're a comic.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Failure Problems

To err is human; to purr, feline.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Animals Cats Mistakes Problems

If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it’s the light of the oncoming train.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws

Never moon a werewolf.

(1958 – ) screenwriter, film director & actor
Problems Situations

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Failure