Subject: Problems (Page 16)

The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

Mistakes Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health Problems

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Success

Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems

Like most of those who study history, he [Napoleon III] learned from the mistakes of the past how to make new ones.

(1906 – 1990) British historian
Mistakes Problems

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
People Problems

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Men Mistakes People Sex Women

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Mistakes Work

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Accidents Problems

If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Self

He's a man who was a failure until he was 40 years old, which looks really good on your resume – if you're a comic.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Failure Problems

A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later.

(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general
Problems

You can always tell you're in trouble when the good option involves a prosthetic leg.

blogger (Standing Room Only)
Problems Situations

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Accidents Characteristics Men People

However much a shower control may rotate, the degree of rotation required to change from ice-cold to scalding is never more than one millimeter.

(1957 – ) New Zealand writer
Murphy’s Laws Problems

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian
New York City Places Problems

The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is that you usually have to eat them.


Accidents Cooking Food/Drink Problems