Subject: Problems (Page 17)

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure TV/Movie Quotes

It will always break just when you need it the most.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

I led the league in “Go get ‘em next time.”

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Sports

Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.

Definitions Murphy’s Laws Problems

Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Accidents Alcohol Emotions Laughter

The man has a 70% approval rate, which makes sense to me because he's pretty much done everything I expected him to do: the economy's in the toilet, we're at war and everything's on fire.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
People Problems

Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.

Life Murphy’s Laws Problems

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

(1885 – 1962) Danish physicist
Mistakes People Problems

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Mistakes People Self Speech

The toughest call an umpire has to make is not the half-swing; the toughest call is throwing a guy out of the game after you blew the hell out of the play.

American baseball umpire
Baseball Mistakes Problems Sports

Things always fall at right angles.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

There is always a way… and it usually doesn’t work.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

To err is human; to purr, feline.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Animals Cats Mistakes Problems

The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Marriage Memory Problems Sex Wives

Swallow a toad in the morning and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Problems

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.

(1943 – 1971) rock singer
Life Mistakes

When all else fails, play dead.

(1945 – ) Canadian comedian & actor
Problems TV/Movie Quotes

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Murphy’s Laws Problems