Subject: Problems (Page 17)

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems

When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons’ and bail.

(1969 - ) American actor, comedian, & screenwriter
Life Problems TV/Movie Quotes

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Marriage Memory Problems Sex Wives

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Failure Problems Success

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command… very often, that person is crazy.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Problems

There is no safety in numbers… or in anything else.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Life Problems

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Mistakes Things

For every problem science solves, it creates ten new one.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

It's hard to describe what it's like to see a stock car flying through the air knowing it's going to land on top of you.

American auto racer
Accidents Auto racing Problems Sports

I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles; eighty percent of the people don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having trouble.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball People Problems Sports

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Problems

I’ve seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Problems

Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, or hysteria.

Children Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.

Murphy’s Laws Problems