Subject: Problems (Page 18)

The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Problems

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong, is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure Problems

I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Money Problems

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

Things are gradually falling into place on top of me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Problems Self

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed.
2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers.
3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Accidents Problems Things

A $300 picture tube will protect a 10¢ fuse by blowing first.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Money Problems

The squeaky wheel gets replaced.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Accidents Entertainment Problems

In this world there are winners and losers – and, of course, ‘the others’, who comprise the majority.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Failure People Success

No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.

Life Murphy’s Laws Problems

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Marriage Problems Shopping Wives

Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Problems

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity… another man’s, I mean.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Problems

When you get to the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Problems Situations