Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Problems
(Page 19)
The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.
Franklin Jones
(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Problems
Situations
Work
Rest
I don't believe in astrology; the only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Failure
Actors
Astrology
I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles; eighty percent of the people don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having trouble.
Tommy Lasorda
Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball
People
Problems
Sports
Like trying to poke a cat out from under a porch with a wet rope.
Buddy Ebsen
(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Problems
TV/Movie Quotes
As Jed Clampett in “The Beverly Hillbillies”
If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail
Anonymous Murphy’s Law
Failure
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.
Peter's Observation
Characteristics
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Incompetence
Super-competence
In this world there are winners and losers – and, of course, ‘the others’, who comprise the majority.
Simon Munnery
(1967 – ) English comedian
Failure
People
Success
Losers
Winners
My daughter's tricycle said “Some Assembly Required” … it came in a jar!
Ray Romano
(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children
Family
Problems
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; it often gets replaced.
Keith's Observation
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Squeaky wheels
When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.
Hartig's Sleeve in the Cup
,
Thumb in the Butter Law
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Situations
Elegant
Sophisticated
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.
Aneurin Bevan
(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Accidents
Beliefs
Opinion
Problems
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte
(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Mistakes
People
Enemies
Interuption
In larger things we are convivial – What causes trouble is the trivial.
Richard Armour
(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Life
Problems
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
Cyril Connolly
(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Failure
Problems
Potential
Promise
Everything breaks down.
Orion's Law
Failure
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Never moon a werewolf.
Mike Binder
(1958 – ) screenwriter, film director & actor
Problems
Situations
Werewolves
A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.
Will Rogers
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People
Problems
Admission
Conference
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
Jake's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Things
Hammers
Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, or hysteria.
Richman's Inevitables of Parenthood IV
Children
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Time
Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents
Autos
Things
Swearing
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Rule of the Way Out
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Explanations
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