Subject: Problems (Page 24)

Authorization for a project will be granted only when none of the authorizers can be blamed if the project fails but when all of the authorizers can claim credit if it succeeds.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Success

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Failure God Success

When all else fails, play dead.

(1945 – ) Canadian comedian & actor
Problems TV/Movie Quotes

In this world there are only two tragedies: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Problems

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator
Problems Things

A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later.

(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general
Problems

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Accidents Problems

I saw a license plate yesterday that said 'I Miss New York,' so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian
New York City Places Problems

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education History Learning Mistakes

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Accidents Animals People Problems

The chances of solving a problem decline the closer one gets to finding out who was the cause of the problem.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Never go out to meet trouble; if you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.

(1872 – 1933) 30th U.S. president
Problems

The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather Things

Aren’t I lucky, to have survived so much bad luck.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Life Problems

If you are going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Mistakes Problems

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Problems

Avoid any action with an unacceptable outcome.

Murphy’s Laws Problems