Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Problems
(Page 3)
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
Anonymous Murphy’s Law
Accidents
Murphy’s Laws
Things
Power tools
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.
Douglas Adams
(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Situations
Things
Like trying to poke a cat out from under a porch with a wet rope.
Buddy Ebsen
(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Problems
TV/Movie Quotes
As Jed Clampett in “The Beverly Hillbillies”
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.
(Al) Ross’s Law
Accidents
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Things
Bare feet
The most delicate component will be dropped.
Rosenfield's Regret
Accidents
Murphy’s Laws
Things
A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.
James Reston
(1909 – 1995) American journalist
Failure
Government
Problems
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems; everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
Olin Miller
(1918 - 2002) American author
People
Problems
This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact… it’s a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeted throughout; twenty-four hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying ‘This is a Large Crisis.’
Rowan Atkinson
(1955 – ) English actor
Problems
TV/Movie Quotes
As Blackadder in “Blackadder”
Things are never as bad as they turn out to be.
White’s Law
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Situations
Richard N. White
Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends
Old
People
Problems
Success
Sympathy
How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
Dennis the Menace
cartoon character, created by Hank Ketcham (1920 – 2001)
Problems
Situations
Things go right so they can go wrong.
Maahs's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Getting caught is the mother of invention.
Robert Byrne
(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Mistakes
Problems
Situations
Mother of invention
If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
Economists' Law II
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
50-50 chances
Odds
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
A Murphy's Military Law
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Solutions
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Doug Larson
(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Failure
Friends
Old
People
Success
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car; it wasn’t serious – nobody saw me.
Anthony Jeselnik
(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Accidents
Problems
The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.
Dick Guindon
(1935 – ) American cartoonist
Beliefs
Death
God
Life
Problems
Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often
causes
people.
Anonymous
Accidents
Definitions
Problems
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
Klipstein's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Assembly
Difficulties
Tolerances
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents’ shortcomings.
Dr. Laurence J. Peter
(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Failure
Family
Confessing
Faults
Psychiatry
Shortcomings
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