Subject: Problems (Page 5)

The effort expended by the bureaucracy in defending any error is in direct proportion to the size of the error.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Accidents Failure People

I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles; eighty percent of the people don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having trouble.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball People Problems Sports

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Failure Problems Things

The most undesirable things are the most certain (death and taxes).

Death Murphy’s Laws Problems Taxes

The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

Accidents Autos Problems Things

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Failure has gone to his head.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Failure Insults Problems

Nature never makes any blunders, when she makes a fool she means it.

(1772 – 1851) American Presbyterian theologian & professor
Fools Intelligence Mistakes Problems

My daughter's tricycle said “Some Assembly Required” … it came in a jar!

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Children Family Problems

Fuses never blow during daylight hours.
Corollary: Only after fuses blow do you discover the flashlight batteries are dead and you’re out of candles, or matches, or both.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

To err is human, but it feels divine.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Problems

The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.

(1911 – 1983) playwright
Mistakes Problems

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

I love when problems have simple solutions: cold medicine… umbrellas… condoms… tax incentives & subsidies attracting favored industries.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Problems

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Marriage Problems

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

Things go right so they can go wrong.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Misspokements Mistakes Problems