Subject: Problems (Page 6)

He's completely unspoiled by failure.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Failure Insults

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Accidents Problems Things

Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s this day-to-day living that wears you out.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Problems

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons’ and bail.

(1969 - ) American actor, comedian, & screenwriter
Life Problems TV/Movie Quotes

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

I love when problems have simple solutions: cold medicine… umbrellas… condoms… tax incentives & subsidies attracting favored industries.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Problems

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

Accidents Murphy’s Laws

I learned in my car that I could not have children; it was the day that I locked my keys in my car with the engine running.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Family Mistakes Problems

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later.

(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general
Problems

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.

(1943 – 1971) rock singer
Life Mistakes

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.

(1935 – ) American cartoonist
Beliefs Death God Life Problems

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I was a trapeze artist…. but I was let go.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Problems Work

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People

Even the youngest of us may be wrong sometimes.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Age Problems Young

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Failure God Success