Subject: Problems (Page 8)

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command… very often, that person is crazy.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Problems

The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Problems Situations Work

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Failure

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Problems Situations Wordplay

Experiments should be reproducible… they should all fail in the same way.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems

I learned in my car that I could not have children; it was the day that I locked my keys in my car with the engine running.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Family Mistakes Problems

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity… another man’s, I mean.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Problems

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Problems Things

The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

Accidents Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Characteristics Failure Intelligence Mistakes People

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Money Problems

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

(1924 – ) 39th U.S. president & humanitarian
Marriage Problems Wives

One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs – but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.

Accidents Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

1 + 1 hardly ever equals 2.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Problems

In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws Problems

Office machines that function perfectly during normal business hours will break down when you return at night to use them for personal business.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things