Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 2)

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author
Dating Relationships Sex

How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Appearance Dating Murphy’s Laws People Relationships

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


Dating People Relationships

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Dating Relationships Situations

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky; the woman already knows.

American comedian & writer
Dating Relationships Sex

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

writer, website creator
Dating Sex Situations

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Communication Dating Intelligence Speech

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.

Dating Men Murphy’s Laws Relationships Women

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.


Dating Marriage Relationships

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Health Sex

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Dating Relationships

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Dating Money

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits. … Some of you are now thinking — “Hey you can’t make fun of the blind…” Watch me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Dating Language Relationships

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships Situations