Dating | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 2)

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

Karen Rontowski

comedian

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

Scott Roeben

writer, website creator

Dating Sex Situations Knife

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.

Myers Yori

Dating People Relationships Laziness Pregnant

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

Whitney Cummings

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

Dating Relationships DJ’s

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Anonymous

Dating Definitions Relationships

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine – we were both crazy about girls.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Dating Girls People Women

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

Nora Ephron

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

Dating Money Women's Movement

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

Anthony Jeselnik

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Dating Health Sex Herpes

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

Paul Eldridge

(1888 – 1982) American writer

Dating Marriage Men People Relationships Women Jewelry

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

Mae West

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Dating Relationships Situations Necking

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

Dudley Moore

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician

Dating Relationships Sex One-night stands

I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted.

Charles Barkley

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Basketball Dating Relationships Sports On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Chelsea Handler

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author

Dating Relationships Sex

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

Roy Wood Jr.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian

Dating People Relationships Situations Women

I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.

Mike Dugan

comedian

Dating Relationships

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

Demetri Martin

(1973 – ) American comedian

Dating Relationships Things Cologne

We had to break up, though… we wanted different things… like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

Amy Schumer

(1981 – ) American Comedian

Dating Relationships

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Dating Sex Teachers

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.