Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 3)

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me; I know guys I wouldn’t go out with.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships Things

I once dated a girl that was wild. I took her to a bar. She gave the mechanical bull her phone number.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Relationships

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


Dating People Relationships

If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Dating Relationships Situations

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Dating Relationships Taxes Work

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.


Dating Marriage Relationships

I once went on a date with a girl where we went hiking… and she gets bit by a snake in between her toes, and I had to suck out the poison… so she’s dead.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Relationships Situations

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky; the woman already knows.

American comedian & writer
Dating Relationships Sex

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.

Dating Men Murphy’s Laws Relationships Women

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality
Dating Situations

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships Situations

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Dating Girls People Relationships