Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 5)

They say that breaking up is hard to do – but it's much easier with a restraining order and a Rottweiler.

American actress
Dating Relationships

I’d like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Dating Family Relationships

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me; I know guys I wouldn’t go out with.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating People Relationships Situations

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships Things

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships Situations

I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn't tell me her real name.

comedian
Dating People Relationships

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Dating Sex Situations

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian
Dating Divorce Marriage Relationships