Subject: Relationships (Page 10)

If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.

(1964 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician
Dating Girls People Relationships

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Dating Relationships

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Men Relationships Women

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Canadian comedian & actor
Relationships Situations

You might be a redneck if… you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Relationships

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Relationships

Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor & comedian
Family Relationships

A lot of people would rather tour sewers than visit their cousins.

(1935 – 1996) American writer
Family Relationships

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Relationships

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Relationships Situations

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I grew up… in a house filled with love… my cousin lived there and she put out.

(1950 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, writer, singer & producer
Relationships Sex

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Dating Relationships Sex

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

(1982 – ) American author
Emotions Love Relationships

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Family Relationships

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.

Emotions Love Relationships

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball People Relationships Sports Women

I have some distant cousins that got sucked into one of these pyramid schemes – you know, building them in Egypt.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Relationships