Subject: Relationships (Page 11)

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it; I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.

(1908 – 1993) U.S. Supreme Court justice
Death Relationships Situations

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Relationships

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Conflict Parents Relationships Time

Adam was the luckiest man: he had no mother-in-law.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Relationships

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs

Book Titles Relationships Sex

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.


Relationships

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

I come from a stupid family… during the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

Eventually soul mates meet, for they have the same hiding place.

American writer
People Relationships

We had our family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Relationships

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author
Dating Relationships Sex

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Family Happiness Relationships

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend… I love this girl… I know I love her because she told me.

American actor & comedian
Dating Emotions Love Relationships

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Friends People Relationships

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

I just want somebody who gets me. Somebody who’s comfortable in my world, and makes me laugh, and occasionally brings me flowers. And… somebody who likes kittens, and the hard-core bondage scene.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Dating Relationships Sex