Subject: Relationships (Page 12)

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Sex

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

The search for someone to blame is always successful.

businessman
Characteristics Relationships Success

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

Book Titles Dating Relationships

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

I’m in a relationship at the moment…sorry girls…it’s going to have to be your place.

Relationships

I’m at a point where I want a man in my life, but not in my house. Just come in, attach the VCR, and get out.

(1942 – ) American comedian, writer, actress & television host
Men People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

(1982 – ) American author
Appearance Hair Relationships

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

Relationships

I grew up… in a house filled with love… my cousin lived there and she put out.

(1950 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, writer, singer & producer
Relationships Sex

We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Relationships Situations

Isn’t it strange – when you’re single, all you see is couple and when you’re part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Relationships Situations

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink Mothers Relationships

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men Relationships Time

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

(1982 – ) American author
Relationships

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Communication Dating Intelligence Speech