Subject: Relationships (Page 12)

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball People Relationships Sports Women

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

I’m in a relationship at the moment…sorry girls…it’s going to have to be your place.

Relationships

I’ve been single for so long now, when somebody says to me, ‘Who are you with?’, I automatically say: ‘Vodafone.’

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian
Relationships

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Family Relationships

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

I come from a stupid family… during the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Relationships Situations

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Dating Girls People Relationships

I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

(1967 – 2007) American model
Money Relationships

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

(1962 – ) American actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

movie character in The Mask (Amy Yasbeck)
Men People Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Family Relationships Sex

If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humor was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.

(1973 – ) English actress
Relationships Sex

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Men Relationships Women