Subject: Relationships (Page 14)

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

(1970 – ) American film & television actress
Age Dating Old Relationships Young

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Dating Relationships Sports

I like my coffee like I like my men… I don’t drink coffee.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Relationships

Eventually soul mates meet, for they have the same hiding place.

American writer
People Relationships

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
Relationships

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think… I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself… you know these kind of girls: ‘I'm hot. I’m on fire… Me, me, me.’

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

The main reason I don’t cheat on my girlfriend is so I can go for a shower without taking my phone, laptop and iPad with me.

British comedian
Computers Relationships Things

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

You might be a redneck if… your grandfather died and left everything to his widow; but she can’t touch it until she's fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I date this girl for two years – and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’

(1958 – ) screenwriter, film director & actor
Dating Relationships

My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage Money Relationships

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor
Activities Dating Relationships

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Food/Drink Mothers Relationships

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

Book Titles Dating Relationships

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician
Dating Relationships Sex

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex