Subject: Relationships (Page 15)

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Communication Dating Intelligence Speech

I once dated a girl that was wild. I took her to a bar. She gave the mechanical bull her phone number.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Relationships

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

Book Titles Dating Relationships

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships

I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Food/Drink Relationships

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships Self

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

Relationships

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
People Relationships Time Women

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults Relationships Ugly

My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage Money Relationships

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that; can you imagine – two dinners!

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Relationships Situations

[When his girlfriend is leaving him] You can’t go! All the plants are gonna die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

I like my coffee like I like my men… I don’t drink coffee.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Relationships

Go, and never darken my towels again.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex