Subject: Relationships (Page 15)

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Family Mothers People Relationships Time Women

Relations are a tedious lot of people who don’t know how to live or when to die.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults Relationships

I’m very loyal in relationships; even when I go out with my mom I don’t look at other moms.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Relationships

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Relationships

We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Relationships Situations

I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Family Food/Drink Relationships

A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.


Men People Relationships Women

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians Politics Relationships

When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be “Great, I like that bar and they’ll have the Rockets game on too.”

(1983 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.


Relationships

I used to go missing a lot – Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss Germany…

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player
Dating Misspokements

Love matches are formed by people who pay for a month of honey with a life of vinegar.

(Countess of Blessington) (1789 – 1849) Irish novelist
Relationships

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

American playwright, television writer & author
Emotions Relationships

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.

comedian
Education Relationships

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that; can you imagine – two dinners!

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Relationships Situations

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Relationships Situations