Subject: Relationships (Page 15)

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Dating

Halley Reed: He wants to produce something of mine.

Clifford Stern: Yeah, your first child.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

When I’m not in a relationship, I shave one leg, so when I sleep, it feels like I’m with a woman.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Relationships

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

[Kerry is trying to figure out how to break up with Kyle] Bridget: Just use the line I use when I break up with a guy.

Kerry: “I’m only seventeen, you’ll go to jail”?

(1979 – ) American actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened… the bathroom door, for example.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer
Men People Relationships

In Genesis it says that it is not good for a man to be alone… but sometimes it is a great relief.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Men People Relationships

I'm not prudish or anything, but my mother warned me not enter a man's room first in any month ending in ‘R.’

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street, I always hope he's dead.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist
Death Relationships

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Dating Relationships

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball People Relationships Sports Women

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that; can you imagine – two dinners!

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Relationships Situations

There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

Murphy’s Laws People Relationships Women