Subject: Relationships (Page 17)

Relations are a tedious lot of people who don’t know how to live or when to die.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults Relationships

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think… I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself… you know these kind of girls: ‘I'm hot. I’m on fire… Me, me, me.’

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating People Relationships Situations

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Relationships

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

The way things are these days, a girl's gotta play hard to take.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Situations Women

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Sex Wordplay

Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Family Mothers Relationships

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.

Family Murphy’s Laws Relationships

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

[explaining why she broke up with her ex] We had different needs. I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave.

(1963 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

The economy is so bad that I put my wife back on Match.com, just for the free dinners.

comedian
Relationships

When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be “Great, I like that bar and they’ll have the Rockets game on too.”

(1983 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

Isn’t it strange – when you’re single, all you see is couple and when you’re part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Relationships Situations

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Dating Sex Situations

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Fights Marriage Relationships Sports Wives