Subject: Relationships (Page 17)

My girlfriend always laughs during sex… no matter what she’s reading.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Emotions Girlfriends Laughter Relationships Sex

Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.

J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me, I’m not good enough for you, eh?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I’d like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Dating Family Relationships

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

Family Proverbs Relationships

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Canadian comedian & actor
Relationships Situations

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self

We had to break up, though… we wanted different things… like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Dating Relationships

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Dating Relationships

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex

My sister wanted a cat for a pet… I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs Relationships

It’s kinda like grandkids: you just abuse them and turn them back in.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Friends People Relationships

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Relationships

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships

Billy Almon has all of his inlaws and outlaws here this afternoon.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Family Misspokements Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships