Subject: Relationships (Page 2)

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.


Dating Marriage Relationships

The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.

Family Murphy’s Laws Relationships

What are answering machines for if not to break up with someone who bores you?

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships Things

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Dating Sex Situations

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!'

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Cats Dating Relationships

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Family Relationships Situations

When I’m not in a relationship, I shave one leg, so when I sleep, it feels like I’m with a woman.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Relationships

[explaining why she broke up with her ex] We had different needs. I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave.

(1963 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

[Kerry is trying to figure out how to break up with Kyle] Bridget: Just use the line I use when I break up with a guy.

Kerry: “I’m only seventeen, you’ll go to jail”?

(1979 – ) American actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

[My mother] had something like ‘time out;' it was called ‘knock out.'

American comedian
Age Relationships Young

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Relationships

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian
Autos Communication Relationships

I'm trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.

American comedian
People Relationships Women

I used to go missing a lot – Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss Germany…

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player
Dating Misspokements

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Relationships

We had to pull the plug on my grandmother ’cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations