Subject: Relationships (Page 6)

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.

Family Murphy’s Laws Relationships

My girlfriend always laughs during sex… no matter what she’s reading.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Emotions Girlfriends Laughter Relationships Sex

Go, and never darken my towels again.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, when I got nothing on but the radio?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Clothing Dating Relationships

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality
Dating Situations

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

She was another of his near Mrs.

Communication Language Marriage Relationships Wordplay

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People Relationships

If her lips are on fire and she trembles in your arms, forget her… she’s got malaria.

(1921 – 1974) Canadian comedian
Relationships

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor
Activities Dating Relationships

I'm not prudish or anything, but my mother warned me not enter a man's room first in any month ending in ‘R.’

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating People Relationships Situations Women

Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating People Relationships Situations

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Relationships Self

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay