Subject: Relationships (Page 7)

Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her. It’s her wedding day.

Joey: What? Like there’s some rule or something?

(1967 – ) American actor & producer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

Murphy’s Laws People Relationships Women

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

(1982 – ) American author
Relationships

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions Family Happiness Relationships

I come from a stupid family… during the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

My son has taken up meditation… at least it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

typographer
Relationships Situations

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

(1982 – ) American author
Appearance Hair Relationships

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Food/Drink Mothers Relationships

I grew up… in a house filled with love… my cousin lived there and she put out.

(1950 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, writer, singer & producer
Relationships Sex

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Relationships

At least fifty percent of the human race doesn’t want their mother-in-law within walking distance.

Murphy’s Laws Relationships

I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits. … Some of you are now thinking — “Hey you can’t make fun of the blind…” Watch me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Dating Language Relationships

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter
Entertainment Music Relationships

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

(1837 – 1920) American author
Insults People Relationships Time

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

Burt Reynolds once asked me out… I was in his room.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
People Relationships