Relationships | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Relationships (Page 7)

I’ve been single for so long now, when somebody says to me, ‘Who are you with?’, I automatically say: ‘Vodafone.’

Miranda Hart

(1972 – ) English actress & comedian

Relationships

In the race for love, I was scratched.

Joan Davie

Emotions Love Relationships

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

Billy Crystal

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Mitch Robbins in “City Slickers”

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like none weeks and five days.

Steve Martin

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Navin Johnson in “The Jerk”

Nobody in their right mind would call me a nymphomaniac; I only sleep with good-looking men.

Fiona Pitt-Kethley

(1954 – ) British poet, novelist, travel writer & journalist

People Relationships Sex Nymphomaniacs

Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye

Cynthia Heimel

American playwright, television writer & author

Relationships Book title

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

Chelsea Handler

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author

Alcohol Dating Food/Drink Relationships

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

Ogden Nash

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives Window

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

Proverb

Family Proverbs Relationships Relative Will

I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.

Mike Dugan

comedian

Dating Relationships

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Anonymous

Dating Definitions Relationships Courtship

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

Benjamin Franklin

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Animals Dogs Relationships Fleas

I never met a kid I liked.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Relationships

I was born in Alabama, I was raised in Georgia; I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

Brett Butler

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian

Places Relationships Alabama Georgia

My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Relationships Family tree Fruit Homosexuals

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

Zach Galifianakis

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Age Family Relationships Sex

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

Helen Rowland

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Family Mothers People Relationships Time Women Twenty years

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.

Ellen DeGeneres

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host

Family Relationships Heterosexuals

I once dated a famous Aussie rugby player who treated me just like a football; made a pass, played footsie, then dropped me as soon as he’d scored.

Kathy Lette

(1958 – ) Australian author

Dating Men People Relationships

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Jon Dore

Canadian comedian & actor

Relationships Situations Grandfathers Holocaust

I went home with this French guy ‘cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.'’

Amy Schumer

(1981 – ) American Comedian