Subject: Relationships (Page 9)

I was born in Alabama, I was raised in Georgia; I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Places Relationships

When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be “Great, I like that bar and they’ll have the Rockets game on too.”

(1983 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Men Relationships Women

You might be a redneck if… your grandfather died and left everything to his widow; but she can’t touch it until she's fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.

J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me, I’m not good enough for you, eh?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Animals Relationships

My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships

Society honors its living conformists and its dead troublemakers.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Relationships

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Dance Family Past Relationships Situations Things Time

I’m very loyal in relationships; even when I go out with my mom I don’t look at other moms.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Relationships

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Family Relationships

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Sex Wordplay

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Friends People Relationships

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young