Subject: Relationships (Page 9)

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Cats Dating Relationships

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
History Relationships Time

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Family Relationships

My ex and I were in an open relationship; well, I called it an open relationship… he called it cheating.

American-born English comedian
Relationships

I'm not prudish or anything, but my mother warned me not enter a man's room first in any month ending in ‘R.’

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Drink ‘til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Alcohol Dating Relationships

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

What are answering machines for if not to break up with someone who bores you?

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships Things

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Future Relationships Situations Time

You might be a redneck if… you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

I'm glad I'm not bisexual… I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
People Relationships

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Family Relationships

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

(1960 – ) American actress
Dating Men TV/Movie Quotes

I was dating an infectious disease doctor, 'cause… two birds.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Dating Relationships

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults Relationships Ugly