Subject: Reviews/Criticism (Page 14)

This is either bad writing, bad direction, bad acting or a combination of the three.

film critic
Reviews/Criticism

I’d rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-pound gorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it “free cheese day” at the celebrity shelter?

American film critic
Reviews/Criticism

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Apparently the understudy had to go because of her throat; I suppose someone threatened to cut it.

(1865-1940) English actress
Acting Entertainment Insults Reviews/Criticism

You know you’re in trouble with a sequel when the word of mouth advises you to see the first movie twice instead.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

The entire film seems to consist of three thoughts, cycled ad nauseum: Don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. Make me a vampire.

film critic
Reviews/Criticism

[An] utterly incompetent, painfully unfunny, ploddingly dull waste of time, money and life.

film critic
Reviews/Criticism

It was a cute picture; they used the basic story of Wuthering Heights and worked in surf riders.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

I have read your book and much like it.

(1900 – 1986) American teacher & translator
Books Reviews/Criticism

Darling, they’ve absolutely ruined your perfectly dreadful play.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Reviews/Criticism

It not only promotes every stereotype and invokes every cliché of Brooklyn lore, it combines them all into an insulting composite, fuses that to the chrome-and-fins of the pointless Fifties, and then – weirdly – pretends it’s Shakespeare.

film critic
Reviews/Criticism

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

I’m still working on my time machine; if I ever perfect it, I’m going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made… and then I’m going after Hitler.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Reviews/Criticism

This show may well exist on a plane where the awesomely terrible is equivalent to the terribly awesome.

American film critic
Reviews/Criticism

If you really want to help the American theater darling, be an audience.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Acting Insults Reviews/Criticism

That film sucked so bad my opinion of it went straight to video.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Reviews/Criticism

Orlando Bloom was so wooden he could have played the horse.

Irish film critic
Acting Reviews/Criticism

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

On film, Bonfire achieves a consistency of ineptitude rare even in this era of over-inflated cinematic air bags.

American film critic & televison interviewer
Reviews/Criticism