Subject: Reviews/Criticism (Page 24)

Orlando Bloom was so wooden he could have played the horse.

Irish film critic
Acting Reviews/Criticism

If you plan to miss this movie, better miss it quickly; I doubt if it’ll be around to miss for long.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

[Lindsay] Lohan reads more like oak than Marilyn Monroe on her most inebriated day.

film critic
Reviews/Criticism

Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

It's Melanie Griffith's best role yet… which is like saying the morphine shots are the best part about having first-degree burns over 80 percent of your body.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism

You know, when the Devil’s spawn are susceptible to steak-knife attacks, evil has a problem.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism

Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica… it was the festival's closing film, coming at the end like the horses in a parade, perhaps for the same reason.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

You know you’re in trouble when you’re reduced to praising a movie for its absence of fart jokes, and have to add ‘almost.’

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

If Threat Matrix made it onto the ABC schedule, imagine the shows that didn’t.


Reviews/Criticism

I suppose certain college fraternities could make screening it part of their hazing rituals.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism

The first act occupied three hours… I enjoyed that in spite of the singing.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Reviews/Criticism

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Reviews/Criticism

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it “free cheese day” at the celebrity shelter?

American film critic
Reviews/Criticism

Beware geeks bearing scripts.

Reviews/Criticism

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
Reviews/Criticism

I wouldn't buy your book if you gave it to me.

Misspokements Reviews/Criticism

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Reviews/Criticism

His [George Bush] popularity rating – his approval rating – with blacks: two percent… two percent… that is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Insults People Reviews/Criticism

Then Gil and Noel sung a charming duet of “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”. They were both wrong.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Reviews/Criticism TV/Movie Quotes