Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Science/Weather
(Page 17)
I don’t believe in astrology… I’m a Sagittarian, and we’re skeptical.
Arthur C. Clarke
(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Beliefs
Science/Weather
Astrology
In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'
Doug Benson
(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places
Science/Weather
Seattle
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways; but he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
Scott Adams
(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Science/Weather
Mathematics
Universe
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication
Computers
Science/Weather
Things
Internet
Telephone
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather
Wordplay
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Old
Science/Weather
Barometer
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Slick's First Law of the Universe
Money
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Things
Bad check
Speed
Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Drugs
Science/Weather
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Bills
Checks
Mail
Speed
The direction of take-off will be opposite that of the final destination.
Hollenbeck's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Directions
1. If it is green or it wiggles – it is Biology.
2. If it stinks – it is Chemistry.
3. If it doesn’t work – it is Physics.
Young's Handy Guide to the Modern Sciences
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Science/Weather
Biology
Chemistry
Physics
Physics is like sex; sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.
Richard Feynman
(1918 – 1988) American physicist
Science/Weather
Sex
Physics
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Cold
Science/Weather
Temperature
Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.
Chuck Palahniuk
(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Education
Facts
Science/Weather
Game shows
Space isn’t remote at all; it’s only an hours drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Fred Hoyle
(1915 – 2001) English astronomer & mathematician
Science/Weather
Distance
Space
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Art
Democracy
Government
Science/Weather
Democracy
Monkey cage
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