Subject: Science/Weather (Page 3)

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis… sorry – I mean ladder.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

Normally you have news, weather and travel, but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

(1976 – ) English comedian & actor
Science/Weather

What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching.

Future Science/Weather Time

In New England there are three times of year… either winter has just been, or winter is coming, or it’s winter.

American author
Places Science/Weather

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.

professional baseball player
Animals Cold Science/Weather

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Intelligence Science/Weather

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Science/Weather

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.

professional golfer
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations

USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts People Science/Weather

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold Places Science/Weather

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Health Old Science/Weather

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Clothing Science/Weather

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Science/Weather Situations

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Science/Weather

I can levitate birds… no one cares.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Science/Weather