Science/Weather | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Science/Weather (Page 9)

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Barrett's Laws of Driving II

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Speed

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

Bill Vaughn

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

People Science/Weather Commuting Space

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

Bill Maher

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather Altar boys Church Technology

What goes up must come down… but don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

Lily Tomlin

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Science/Weather

If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some dope will do it.

Yapp's Basic Fact

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Size

Sleet: A slipcover.

Anonymous

Definitions Science/Weather Sleet

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Science/Weather Heat wave

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

H.L. Mencken

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Animals People Science/Weather Apes Evolution

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Anonymous

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

Alfred E. Neuman

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Science/Weather Energy conservation

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Anonymous

Definitions Science/Weather Statistics

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Anonymous

Science/Weather Infinity

Architecture is the art of how to waste space.

Philip Johnson

(1906 – 2005) architect

Science/Weather Architecture Space

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Harlan Ellison

(1934 – ) writer & editor

Intelligence People Places Science/Weather Stupidity Universe

‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

Filson's Law

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Force

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

Billy Connolly

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

Places Science/Weather Scotland

I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.

Cameron Diaz

(1972 – ) American actress & former model

Intelligence Science/Weather Gravity

If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.

John von Neumann

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician

Intelligence Life Science/Weather Mathematics

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

Darrell Hammond

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist

Children Family Science/Weather Birth

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Subject: Science/Weather (Page 9)

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

What goes up must come down… but don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some dope will do it.

Sleet: A slipcover.

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Architecture is the art of how to waste space.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.

If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’