Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Science/Weather
(Page 9)
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Money
Science/Weather
Bills
Electricity
The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
Barrett's Laws of Driving II
Autos
Driving
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Speed
Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.
Bill Vaughn
(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
People
Science/Weather
Commuting
Space
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
Bill Maher
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs
People
Religion
Science/Weather
Altar boys
Church
Technology
What goes up must come down… but don't expect it to come down where you can find it.
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Science/Weather
If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some dope will do it.
Yapp's Basic Fact
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Size
Sleet: A slipcover.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Sleet
I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf
Heat
Science/Weather
Sports
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather
Heat wave
It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals
People
Science/Weather
Apes
Evolution
It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.
Anonymous
Cold
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Science/Weather
Energy conservation
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Statistics
Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.
Anonymous
Science/Weather
Infinity
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Philip Johnson
(1906 – 2005) architect
Science/Weather
Architecture
Space
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Harlan Ellison
(1934 – ) writer & editor
Intelligence
People
Places
Science/Weather
Stupidity
Universe
‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.
Filson's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Force
In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
Billy Connolly
(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places
Science/Weather
Scotland
I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.
Cameron Diaz
(1972 – ) American actress & former model
Intelligence
Science/Weather
Gravity
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.
John von Neumann
(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician
Intelligence
Life
Science/Weather
Mathematics
Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’
Darrell Hammond
(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children
Family
Science/Weather
Birth
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