Subject: Science/Weather (Page 9)

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

What goes up must come down… but don't expect it to come down where you can find it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some dope will do it.

Sleet: A slipcover.

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Architecture is the art of how to waste space.

(1906 – 2005) architect

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

(1934 – ) writer & editor

‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

I've been noticing gravity since I was very young.

(1972 – ) American actress & former model

If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist