Subject: Sex (Page 10)

My girlfriend said she wanted me to dominate her; so I said, “OK, let’s play Scrabble.”

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence Sex

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

When mom found my diaphragm, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Sex

The three words you never want to hear while making love… honey, I'm home.


Sex Situations

I practice safe sex… I use an airbag.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Sex

Impotence: Emission impossible.

Definitions Sex

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Sex

Last time I was here a girl asked me for sex; I had to disappoint her… we had sex.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

NO! I will not have sex for money! I only have sex for jewels, furs, or mixed securities, like a lady.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Last night I asked my husband, ‘What’s your favorite sexual position?’ and he said, ‘Next door.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

Al: How ya feeling, Peg? I’m surprised you could make it down those stairs this morning.

Peg: I know. I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn’t keep you awake last night.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl.

(1894–1971) American author
Sex

I finally got her to watch a porno with me, and I did not get the reaction I was after; alright, I shouldn’t have started her off with one that I was in – that was a mistake.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac, but flowers work almost as well.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Money Sex

Pedophiles don't want to be called pedophiles; they want to be called priests.

American stand-up comedian
Sex

Mary: Could the reason you can’t find a guy is because you’re letting them ride the rollercoaster without buying a ticket?

Penny: Oh, they don’t always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.

(1985 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Husbands Marriage Sex