Subject: Sex (Page 10)

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

Sex

In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call; the guy said, “Did I call you or did you call me?”

comedian
Health Sex

The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south.

(1939 – ) professor of journalism & author
Sex

In real love you want the other person's good; in romantic love, you want the other person.

(1886 – 1973) American writer
Emotions Love Sex

The couple next door have just made a sex tape… obviously, they don’t know that yet.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

Sow wild oats

Sex

Nature abhors a virgin – a frozen asset.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Men People Sex Women

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Family Relationships Sex

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex… except for salami and eggs; now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Life Sex

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher!"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer
Entertainment Sex Television

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Sex

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

Contrary to the old wives' tale that bloody-minded trainers put around, a little love-in before the main event can do you more good than a rub-down with The Sporting Life.

English boxer
Boxing Sex Sports

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Sex Wordplay

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.

Sex

If they ever invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we’ve had it.

(1964 – ) English comedian & writer
People Sex Women

Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Sex Time Women