Subject: Sex (Page 10)

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67… and that was cause I had no small change for the window cleaner.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Money Sex

I have this! Are you interested?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Relationships Sex

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Men Sex Women

I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

American comedian & writer
Entertainment Sex Television

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Body Fat Men People Sex Women

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I've been using money.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

My mum walked in on me wanking and looking at her wedding pictures. "You perv!" she screamed at me.
It's not what you think, Mum… I was looking at the priest.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Sex

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Body Sex

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women

I once caught a peeping Tom booing me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Education Sex

Coitus Interruptus: Copulation without population.


Sex

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

Not nearly as exciting as it would be if I were acknowledged as one of the greatest lays in the world.

(1925 – 2006) American actress
Acting Entertainment Sex

I’ll have what she’s having.

(1914 – 2008) American actress & singer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Sex Situations

When my old man wanted sex… my mother would show him a picture of me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers Mothers Sex

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex