Subject: Sex (Page 11)

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian
Age Old Sex

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian
People Self Sex

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex; fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

American comedian
Sex Situations

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people… between five, it's fantastic.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

In the past few years, I've only had sex with months that end in 'arch.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Women can have multiple orgasms? Right… I’ll believe it when I see it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
People Sex Women

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Eating Food/Drink Sex

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
People Sex Women

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

When you first start having sex with somebody, you never discuss what you like and don’t like. You just try stuff, and the other person either goes, ‘Ooh yeah,' or they go, ‘Hey, don’t do that!'

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Sex

When you don’t have any money, the problem is food; when you have money, it’s sex; when you have both, it’s health.

(1926 – ) Irish American novelist & playwright
Health Money Sex

You sleep with a guy once and before you know it he wants to take you to dinner.


Sex

NO! I will not have sex for money! I only have sex for jewels, furs, or mixed securities, like a lady.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Sex

A skirt is no obstacle to extemporaneous sex, but it is physically impossible to make love to a girl while she is wearing trousers.

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author
Appearance Clothing Sex

My husband's penis is like a semicolon… I can't remember what it's for and I never use it anyway.

British comedian
Family People Sex

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Body Sex Situations

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six… nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls “the real way.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Sex