Subject: Sex (Page 11)

I once caught a peeping Tom booing me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

I went to a hooker…  I dropped my pants… she dropped her price.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

People don’t just bump into each other and have sex. This isn’t Cinemax.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I learned about sex the hard way… from books.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Sex

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Dating Relationships Sex

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Money Sex

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!'

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

Looks like your new sweetie’s turned his back on homosexuals. And not in a good way.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I once made love to a female clown… she twisted my penis into a poodle.

Dan Whitney (1963 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice artist
Sex Situations

By the time my friend was eighteen she had sown enough wild oats to make a grain deal with Russia.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
People Sex

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex; fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

American comedian
Sex Situations

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Science/Weather Sex Things

I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
Sex

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Men People Sex Women

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

Women can have multiple orgasms? Right… I’ll believe it when I see it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
People Sex Women

England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.

(1934 – ) comedian
Food/Drink Places Sex

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Golf Sex Sports

Al: How ya feeling, Peg? I’m surprised you could make it down those stairs this morning.

Peg: I know. I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn’t keep you awake last night.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes