Subject: Sex (Page 13)

Sex is a two-way treat.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Sex

In the past few years, I've only had sex with months that end in 'arch.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

The only way to prevent prostitution altogether would be to imprison one half of the human race.

(1886 – 1961) Canadian writer, literary critic & libertarian philosopher
Sex

Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.


People Sex Women

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian
People Self Sex

Last time I was here a girl asked me for sex; I had to disappoint her… we had sex.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

I once caught a peeping Tom booing me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

I don’t understand Viagra… I mean I like pie but I don’t want to eat it for 41⁄2 hours.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Food/Drink Sex

And most men seem to think ‘mutual orgasm’ is an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Men People Sex

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Sex

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

I like trying to get pregnant; I'm not so sure about childbirth.

Mary Anne Evans (1819 – 1880) English novelist, journalist & translator
Sex Situations

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

… geronomous zones and the floorplay, you spoil all the waddya call the mystiqueries of things.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Sex

Sex is like art; most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.

writer, website creator
Art Money Sex

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex