Subject: Sex (Page 13)

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Money Sex

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Husbands Marriage Sex

A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Sex

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Sex

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation… the other eight are unimportant.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Sex

People don’t just bump into each other and have sex. This isn’t Cinemax.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, ‘Damn, that was good!'

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Men People Sex

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Beliefs Marriage Sex

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Sex is better than talk… talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Conversation Sex Speech

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading; nobody does it so why talk about it?

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
England People Places Sex

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime Science/Weather Sex

They made love as though they were an endangered species.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Sex

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

I went to a hooker…  I dropped my pants… she dropped her price.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

I dress for women… I undress for men.

(1931 – ) American actress
Appearance Body Clothing Men Sex

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex