Subject: Sex (Page 14)

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex; fortunately they didn't see me for almost 10 minutes.

American comedian
Sex Situations

Ten men waiting for me at the door?… send one of them home, I'm tired.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex

The electric guitar – like making love – is much improved by a little feedback, completely ruined by too much.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Sex Things

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family Sex

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

Nature abhors a virgin – a frozen asset.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Men People Sex Women

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

It's always the wrong time of the month.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Sex Time

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

(1905 –1998) American author
Children Family Sex

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Dating Sex

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

Sex

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Money Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

I have no problem with homophobia; as long as they do it behind closed doors.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Fear Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Last time I was here a girl asked me for sex; I had to disappoint her… we had sex.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Sex

A hard man is good to find.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Sex Situations

I almost got a girl pregnant in high school; it's costing me a fortune to keep the rabbit on a life-support system.

(12/06/1953 – ) American actor, comedian, director & game show host
Sex Situations